I can’t believe I’ve just spent 5 minutes searching for a nice colourful picture of some cupcakes on line, and my mouth is actually watering! That’s ridiculous but then I guess that’s what 6 weeks on a diet will do for you eh?!
So I’ve already talked a bit this week about my issue with portion control and not having a working full-filter. It goes beyond that though. Something in me hesitates to label myself as greedy because that word has so many negative connotations, in fact I can’t think of a single context in which it could be used positively. But lets imagine I was hauled in front of a judge who had to make a ruling on that very issue. I put it to you M’lud that this woman, (points at me) is greedy. I think I’d be on dodgy ground. “Having an excessive desire or appetite for food” is one definition of the word and shit, look already my defense is crumbling, I mean how can I argue with that? I do have an excessive desire for food, I can’t lie.
Now, whether it’s as a fat girl or a skinny girl, if you put that plate of cakes in front of me, I’m not stopping at one. One of my colleagues has just come back from holiday this week, and she brought cupcakes in for the team. How lovely. But seriously, you should have seen the size of these things…they were cupcakes the size of thimbles. Now obviously I passed, because I’m in a good place at the moment, both feet still planted firmly in the sweet spot and my face is a cake-free zone. But I’m here to tell you even I felt cheated and I wasn’t even having one.
I watched in fascination as one of my friends at work picked one out of the box carefully and popped it in her mouth, made all the right noises…apparently it was ‘melt-in-your-mouth gorgeous’ (kill me now) and then carried on with her work. Like that whole rest of the box of tiny cakes wasn’t still there in all their delicate melt-in-the-mouth gorgeousness, right next to her desk. I mean that’s not normal, right? It was tiny. And she just ate one. And then moved on and forgot about the box. Wtf..? WHO DOES THAT!!
Me, in the 3 milliseconds it took me to inhale the lemon one, I’d have been planning which one I was going for next. Wondering whether the colour of the frosting made a difference to the taste. If for some reason I wasn’t able to take a second one but there were cupcakes left in the box, they would have tortured me for as long as they remained in my eye line. Now, is that greedy, or is it something else? Greedy feels like a dirty word somehow, but is that what I am?
I don’t think so…but I’m…something. And I think it’s a question I need to answer before I can be confident that I’ve really got this down, you know?
It’s the cold turkey scenario, you can’t wean an addiction, it has to be off or on. For the most part I would look at the cup cakes and instantly think of all the nasties that are in there, the preservatives (they seem to have a sell by date that stretches for weeks) the E number colours, lurid and quite unnatural, the wheat and the sugar. I find them easy to resist. I eat a really clean diet, I used to read all the labels and then try to pick the one with the fewest additives, these days I avoid almost all processed food. I guess my situation is a bit different here, I can resist and do but it makes no difference, clean or not, wholesome or not, sugar free or not, my weight doesn’t budge. I won’t compromise my principles (well not very often) that my diet has to be based on proper food, makes no difference though.
I’m the same way ?. I love all sweets but I seriously cannot stop. It’s awful and it makes me feel out of control. The only way I’ve found that I can overcome it, is to not have any at all. It’s definitely an addiction issue for me.
Hi Mareek…it seems that it’s the case for a lot of us which at least makes me feel a bit better. Less guilty you know? D x
Hi, what a great site, I came over here from the Daily Mail site where you were mentioned in the comments section. Anyway, re the cupcake dilemma, it reminded me of one of my favourite writers – Colette – who said ‘if I can’t have too many truffles then I won’t have any truffles at all.’ My take on it is that you have some kind of obession/compulsion drive to ‘finish’ things, and complete them. For example, what if you could pick all the cupcakes up and tear them apart and throw them in the bin? Would that somehow be satisfying in the same way eating it might be? Is it about eating them or getting rid of them? Of processing them and being done with it? Marion Keyes wrote a lovely book called “Rachel’s Holiday’ where she goes into some of this stuff. I weaned myself off junk food when I was a teenager by buying what I wanted, having a little taste to satisfy my mouth, and then tearing it up bit by bit and feeling its texture and looking at it and throwing it in the bin. Somehow it really satisfied me. I’d enacted so much of what eating it wold have involved, without having to wear the consequences on my body. I got told off once by someone passing for ‘wasting food’ but how is it less of a waste to have eaten it when it was just junk anyway? It was meant to be for fun and comfort, and somehow I got that through doing those other things with it instead of putting it in my mouth. … hope this is interesting …
Hi Laura, I’m glad you like my blog…welcome to the posse! The Mail post drew lots of visitors which created much excitement over here in Skinny Towers!! You make a really interesting point, and thank you for sharing – it’s a concept I hadn’t thought about but one of the joys of writing the blog is hearing about all the things other people do to deal with their own stuff. I read Rachel’s holiday and loved it…Marian Keyes is great. Anyway I shall reflect on it all. Hope you keep coming back 🙂 Dee x
Dee, this posse member is a dangerous heretic. Hell yes we should stop finishing things! I made the leap alone, at home…. Defying the “waste not” dictum was more safely attempted where i wouldn’t simultaneously have to defend myself to some outraged stranger. Thank you, Laura
I am normal size, but I have gained and lost an extra twenty pounds many times over the years. I know for myself that I am just fine unless I have just one, because I too cannot stop there. I also get to see a really addictive type personality in my husband and know that addicts come in many flavors, and for him, it’s food. He cannot have just a little sugar: it’s none or all of it. I suspect it’s the same for you. Greed doesn’t even come into the equation! 🙂
Thanks Djan I’m glad you think so. D x
It’s not greedy, it’s a part of you that was deprived at some point that is now trying to get full on food, and food can’t make it happen, but that part doesn’t realize it.
Been there, and i still have to watch that with certain foods.
Interesting thought that…mmmm. D x
Those cupcakes are a work of art, and they made me drool a little. I just baked cookies for the six children who are tearing my house apart today, and can’t eat one because I know meself, and meself won’t stop at one either. I too marvel at those souls who are blessed with being content with little. Greedy sounds harsh, but you aren’t the only one in the club. It slays me a little time I say NO to yummies, and when people push it, and offer a second or third time, I want to bite their hand, and say, “There! Are you happy now? I said NO!” Because with all my heart, I am saying…yes, yes, yes….
It’s a fight for some of us, that’s all there is to it. I feel better when I am “off” sugar, but it’s never ever easy.
Della
No, it’s definitely not easy!! D x
SO like me
I was having that same thought today
I was at the mall – I usually avoid the mall – it’s beautiful – and full of beautiful things – but I have no patience for the most part.
But I had to pick up my daughter’s laptop at the apple store [those genius guys and gals are the bomb] so off I went on the way to pick up my troops
There’s this little stand right outside the apple store that sells those teeny weeny cupcakes . . . I looked at them when I dropped off the computer – I mean, how many points could a one bite cupcake be? And so PRETTY!
I resisted both times – but as I resisted today I was thinking that what would happen is I’d buy a dozen, let the kids each have a couple and eat the rest while they were at school!
I have no portion control whatsoever. I KNOW what I should eat but it’s awful I can’t do it.
It’s a control issue to for me. But really I just want to gorge on something sometimes! Thank goodness for zero point fruits and veggies – not that it’s really the same LOL
I don’t think it’s greed – I think it’s that it tastes so good, and I don’t want to connect what I’m putting in my mouth, that happy sensation, that sweet or savory hitting the mark exactly right, with what I look like, or how I feel.
SO HARD!
Well done on resisting…abstinence is really the only thing that works for me, if I can say no and mean it then I’m ok. Having one is dangerous, because it always leads to another. And if it doesn’t lead to another it leads to me craving another, which is worse than not having one in the first place! D x